the_piano_man on Xanga

DarkSilver	Every dark cloud has a silver lining

the_piano_man

Name: Daniel
Birthday: 8/15/1987
Gender: Male

Interests: as suggested... piano!! and then all ur other typical ones you find here like.. "listening to music" "watching movies" etc...
Expertise: at scabbing heaps of funny/interesting things off someone elses site and putting them here!! =D haha... yeah, sometimes you'll get a profound blog here and there =P

Message: message meEmail: email me

Member Since: 3/26/2003

Top Tags

View all tags...

SubscriptionsSites I Read
Subscribe to the_piano_man Get trial subscription fionashine lucid_dreamer_zzz stee87 blu3x0rchids x3afroken theycallmelilly ycdieu mittcheru oxymorphine TheRealShuki ngochp lamhoyee mattchow JChao cloudy_night sophieb_creative melodramaticness nynjpagirl enchanting_goddess min_16

Blogrings

Posting Calendar

\|<< oldest \| newest >>\|
view all weblog archives

Friday, October 30, 2009

I saw today on a soap opera that someone died... and the family decided to plant a tree as a living memorial for the father. I thought that was a brilliant idea. Somewhere you can go to when you miss him, and it's living and growing...

I really wish I could do that. I really want to do that. But I don't know how or where I can do it. I wish I had a tree I could sit under whenever I missed Darkstar. He would love the tree... after all, he worked in a plant nursery.

I want to plant a tree...

DarkSilver

6:52 PM - 47 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

Friday, October 09, 2009

I was going through the stuff I had saved from an old flip phone. It was a black LG phone. I got it in my first year of uni, and it stayed with me until... end of 2nd year? It contained songs that I used to listen to all the time, photos that I had taken with the phone and even videos! (I can't believe my current iPhone has no video capabilities when I did 4 years ago!)

Listening to the songs brings back all sorts of emotions. Old emotions. Old memories. Looking at all the photos that I took. So much happened in first and second year... so much has changed. The videos really made me miss everything even more.

I forgot how intense everything was back then. How much I cared about everything. How every little thing was such a big deal. How much "drama" and angst there was. I'm not saying that what happened was trivial... just amazing how everything mattered so much. It was both so innocently, idealistically blissful... and also so intensely, shockingly depressive.

I was so in love. There was two guys I was totally in love with. I don't think I've ever cried more in my entire life than in those years. I miss those times. Even though I was thoroughly angsty... it feels like such a foreign feeling to care about something or someone so irrationally much. Not saying I don't care anymore. I do. It's just different.

I miss my life back then. Right now, I miss it a lot. It seems like that life is such a distant memory. I know that things will never be like they were... and that truly makes me sad. I know tomorrow, I will wake up and move on with my life... but for tonight, I can't. I almost don't want to let go of it (even though it has long let go of me).

I suddenly have the urge to spill my feelings. Just like how I used to when I was in first year. Raw emotions. Too often, we keep our thoughts to ourselves, instead of saying it to those that should hear it. Here are my thoughts. No hiding, no fear, no resentment... just pure emotional thoughts.

Ngoc: I know things have changed. You've changed. I've changed. Things between us have changed. But we couldn't have been more right for each other in first year. In that stage of our lives... we were exactly what each other were looking for in a friend. We were in a happy place. We were comfortable with each other and with ourselves. We didn't have everything... but we were happy in what direction we were headed and what company we were in. I miss us. I miss the way I was when I was with you. We made each other better. I know I've had a lot of bestfriends... but you were the best one out of them. I truly mean that.

Andrew: God, I was so in love with you. Listening to those songs... pretty much all of them made me think of you. Oh how much I cared about you, thought about you, was in love with you. Sometimes that's all I ever remember when i think of you. That, and how much we used to fight! But love and war aside.... we were good together. Horribly bad at the same time, but... you made me feel alive. Whether that meant I was happy or sad... I felt alive. Our friendship deep down was quite simple... it was just complicated by all sorts of nonsense, but we made each other happy and we wanted to be with each other. I miss the times... when that was enough. I miss you a lot... and even though I know that being friends again is an easy step, but staying friends is the hard one... there's not a moment that I don't regret us never working out.

Mitch: You were everything I always thought I wanted. You were my dream man, and I was so smitten by you. I never felt like I was good enough to even be your friend, let alone be lucky enough to be with you romantically. At the time, I thought that I would be the happiest man alive if you fell in love with me too. It wasn't till later that I realised we would make each other so miserable. The lesson I learnt from you... was that you don't know what you want, until it hits you... and even if you do, it's not necessarily what you need or what's good/right for you. You were so popular with the guys, but that wasn't why I liked you... because I fell in love with you before that all happened. You are the reason why I don't scoff at people who say they fell in love at first sight.

Chiew: I keep forgetting when we met and when we started bonding. I keep thinking that it only happened after 2nd year. After the whole Andrew and Mitch ordeals... But I think you were there when it all happened, I just didn't confide in you about it all. I felt like my friendship with you was a completely different phase of my life. I loved being with you. You were like an emotional breath of fresh air when things started to feel stuffy. Our friendship was so different to what I had ever had before. We gradually became very close... without ever acknowledging it out loud. Our interactions were very light, but underneath the surface was a deep connection. We both instinctively knew that. We were both scared to say it out loud, in case we ever lost it... and it would make that loss feel even more real. But even so, we never hesitated showing how much we cared about each other. I know our lives have gotten busy and our lives have started to diverge. It's getting increasingly harder to show that we care. I hope our lives start to converge more once we both settle into work life.

Felicia: I feel like our friendship only came about because our lives converged. If it weren't for the fact that our lives overlapped so much (with common classes, similar laboratories, living in the same suburb)... we would never have even bothered to hang out with each other. For the longest time... I honestly believed you didn't care about connections with others, and if you did... I wouldn't be one of them. I thought you only hung out with people out of convenience. That didn't bother me, because I had close friends that I had deep connections with. Originally, you were also someone I only hung out with out of convenience. I think my friendship with you has been one of the slowest growing ones I've had... but it's also turned out to be one of the deepests. I think the closeness kinda snuck up on us. It wasn't so much that we cared a great deal about each other... but just that we were becoming an integral part of each other's lives. So much so, that it was hard to deny the importance of each other. I think a big part of me didn't let myself care about you because 1. you were going away after graduation, and 2. because you seem like you wouldn't care about me. But before long, I found that I did. Even though you were disappearing to Malaysia for god knows how long... I let myself care, even though I'd miss you terribly. And I realised that in your own little way, you do care. You're just not very physical or verbal about it. I really admire how matter-of-fact you are. There is almost an air of detachment that comes with that rational-ness, but I know it's because you don't want your heart to be disappointed. You need to let people in more, and let yourself out. There is a incredible person hidden inside a seemly ordinary girl... one day you will see that.

Darkstar (Craig): You were another incredible person hidden inside an ordinary country boy. I was so lucky to have stumbled across such a gem, and even more blessed to have been loved by someone so great as you. I still talk about you. It still makes me sad, of course... but I like talking about you to my new friends. It makes me happy thinking of how you were and how you made me feel. I feel like talking about you, helps define me. Because of you... I know what true love means. I know that sounds awfully cliché, but before I met you, I never knew HOW to love someone. Just by being you, you showed me so many things... and now I have such a clearer picture of what I want from myself and from those around me. I'm so glad that fate brought you into my life... no matter how short that turned out to be. My life would not have been complete without having been loved by you. After you left... for the longest time, I didn't know what to think. My thoughts and my emotions were so scattered and hazy. Either too many or too little things were going through my mind. I still don't believe I've fully mourned for you... but throughout it all, the thing that got me through, was just thinking about what we had... and knowing that something that unbelievably wonderful could never be tainted, even by death. Words cannot describe you or what we had. But I think the song 'So Close' captures it perfectly. I miss you the most. You were the one I wanted to grow old with. You were the one that could've made me the happiest. You always said how lucky you were that someone like me would even be with you, but it was the other way around, babe. I have a hard time with goodbyes, and yours is one I don't know how to even begin. But I'll be okay. I will move on with my life, but when this is all over... I want you to come find me.

DarkSilver

2:02 AM - 44 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Dearest Darkstar,

A part of me can't believe it's been a year, but mostly I just can't believe you're actually gone. It's been a pretty tough year without you. I've both worked my hardest and slacked the worst in that year. It's also been one of my loneliest year. I wanted to light a candle for you today... and sit by the lakes, like I did last year. Instead, went to the dentist. I'm trying my hardest to move on with the rest of my life. I'm doing things I know I should. Well... I'm still on hiatus. Still a bit reluctant to keep on moving. I've graduated. Finished what I was working on, but not quite yet ready to start something new. I wanted to take a longer break... but because of financial reasons, and reasons of independence and freedom, I'll start looking for a job earlier than I wanted to.

I thought about you a lot today. Pretty much every second thought was you. It's almost needless to say I've missed you a lot, but I'll say it anyway. I miss you. You were one of the greatest things to happen in my life, and I'm forever grateful to the deity above that brought you to me. I wish we could've been together longer, but that is just something I'll have to learn to accept over time.

I'm yet to fall in love with anyone since you left. No one compares. You were such a perfect first boyfriend (and husband!), and a first relationship. It'll be hard for another guy to treat me as good as you did.

There's so much I want to say to you, but I don't even know where to start. So I won't, or it'll make me cry again. So I hope you're doing well. You'll have to tell me all about heaven when I get there. Say hello to your mum for me, and please watch over me. I love you very much. Rest in peace.

Yours truly,
Darksilver Greenwood

DarkSilver

1:04 AM - 57 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

	Now we're all officially walking separate paths... It's a rather nostalgic feeling when I think back on a time when we were all friends. DarkSilver
	5:13 PM - 37 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

Thursday, August 27, 2009

I was just gonna micro-blog (read: twitter) this... but I thought I need more than 140 characters.

I went out tonight with my parents for my belated birthday celebrations, and surprisingly, had a really nice evening. Here are some photos that I took with my iPhone (so they're not super clear). We ate at Kapsali and had awesome pasta and lamb. The was the prettiest tree next to us that had yellow flowers. I tooks lots of photos... I'll show you some.

Me and my mum next to the tree.

A better shot of the tree... (dad took that!)

Mum and a yellow flower =)

Better shot of the flower

Best carbonara ever!

DarkSilver

9:54 PM - 48 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

Next 5 >>